more of the same...

       longest i've gone in a while without posting. i wonder if anyone still even checks this. last couple months have been kind of a blur with the rest. things happen, the clocks keep ticking. glad the freaking elections are over. very glad at most of the results. marriage equality in three more states and another struck down an outright ban. and the man who might help make that a little better is back in the oval office. looking at the map, it's kinda funny--if you draw a horizontal line across the middle, all of the states with equality would be north of that line. i'm definitely in the wrong half.

       nothing really exciting happening for me personally. i've otherwise been kind of a lump, increasingly the hermit except for relatively infrequent outings with lance. it's been almost a year with him, for what it is. actually a year a week from tomorrow. work is the same. i was all but promised a promotion, then they gave it to someone else last minute. that sucked. kinda renewed my eagerness to leave, and i told my boss as much. she offered me something else a few days later but it would have been a nightmare so i turned it down. she told me she didn't blame me. still thinking i'll finish my second year there (may 2013) then move on, to what i have no idea. even if i make it to my ideal places, then what? i think it'd be exciting for someone who was more driven and disciplined. i wish i was that. trying to save money at least, and not doing a terrible job of it with what i have, but i'm also starting to want to buy things. like a keyboard. a nice one. like this. i miss it so much. i haven't played properly in 2+ years. i played once about a year ago, drunk, at a friend-of-a-friend's. this song.

       what else. did a month on lumosity.com and got up to the 94th percentile for lumosity users in my age group. whatever that means. also trying to get in some quality livemocha time before my gold key runs out. really stupid, not using that. fortunately it was only $10 (normally $100). no, not writing. even though it's nanowrimo. it's killing me, that. did gym-pact for a while, but glitches were pissing me off. still made all my pacts, though, for about a month. got me back into workout mode, so i did p90x again for a week and haven't done anything now for about two. trying to find the will to keep moving in so many ways. i'll let you know how that goes. anyway. i know you'd love to read more about my exciting life, but it's past time for bed. laters.

do you play any musical instruments? what do you play?

       many of you who have read this blog in the past know that i play a few instruments. the whole "mercurialmusic" screen name thing might also be a clue, but you never know. anyway, i'll admit that in a way i'm whoring myself out with this post because i'm trying to increase my post count for the reason that that tiny little "true" badge would look damn good next to my name. anyway, on with the answer: yes, i play musical instruments. i've had formal training with the piano on and off since i was around five years old, with teachers ranging from my grandmother to a semiprofessional teacher during high school to performance courses during my freshman year in college for work toward my music minor. whilst i was still in high school, my little brother was coerced by my parents to learn an instrument; he chose the guitar. when he began to give up after a handful of lessons i happily relieved him of his musical burden and proceeded (extremely slowly) to learn on my own. being busy and having sensitive fingertips i also postponed my guitar study until a year ago when my parents purchased a beautiful new fender acoustic/electric for my christmas present. progress has remained slow, but the fingertips are no longer a problem because i have wicked callouses from picking up the violin during my freshman year in college (and let me tell you, violin strings are much worse). i'd always wanted to learn violin and a girl in my dorm (who played violin) had always wanted to learn piano, so we exchanged lessons. that didn't go very far (i've since taught others with varying success), but during my sophomore year (now at a different college) i purchased a violin (the loan on which was greater than the loan on my car ) and completed two semesters of study at the music/arts institute of independence under marc abelson, a violinist for both the trans-siberian orchestra and (def leppard? i'll have to check this, but i'm too tired now to remember which band it was -- for some reason pink floyd also comes to mind). during my junior year in college i received some lessons on the drums (didn't take too well to the set but i was killer on the practice pad ) from a former university of missouri drum major. less traditionally considered an instrument, but my most favorite of all of them, is voice. i'd always been in choirs throughout school and even sang in the church choir (with a few solos, i might add), but i finally worked up the nerve to ask for formal training during high school. i began under a qualified teacher at the school, but he didn't quite understand my voice (once upon a time i had a three octave range -- my keyboard has five) so i was referred to dr. ican'trememberhisname at william jewell college (fine arts college in the kansas city area), and at $60 a pop his lessons were well worth it. i've sung in six different languages (that i can think of), but my favorite song that i did for him (and the best, in my opinion) was "music of the night." no, tasty, i won't sing it for you. from there i received a full-ride scholarship for voice and academics to columbia college (you're thinking of columbia university), a private school about 4 blocks away from where i'm sitting now. and in my rambling and much-too-long way, i believe i've just answered that question.   

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

butterflies and hurricanes reprise...

       finally got my hands on a copy of the sheet music for "butterflies and hurricanes" (see "my tunes" on the right side of the page). it's hard enough without trying to play by ear and/or learning by watching people play it on youtube. i've never been a great sight reader -- i usually just try to memorize it from the pages and go from there, but getting the music has made the learning process so much simpler and faster. it's a good arrangement, too, so i played with that for a bit tonight. starting to sound almost like a song.

       i've had a lot of time on my hands recently. got back from kansas city the weekend after christmas and went into work to see what my schedule was. she didn't schedule me at all last week, and nothing again this week. college towns pretty much die during breaks. kinda sucks, especially after i spent all my money on christmas. heh. so i've been being a bum, reading a lot, watching a lot of movies, playing piano, waiting for my rennet tablets to come so i can make cheese, etc. with the house empty it's been pretty trying, and the emotional roller coasters have been at it again. i've suspected for a long while (and my closest friends have, too) that i'm a little bipolar. i've handled it well enough, some times better than others, and over the few years i've been able to manage it with some natural therapies that were recommended by others who've been there. stopped taking those early last spring, but it might be time again. my swings over the last week have been some of the worst i can remember. just the swings, mind you, not necessarily the extremity of them, but nonetheless it's probably good that there isn't anyone around to witness it. my head has been spinning with all the back and forth, i've not been sleeping... eh. no good. and from the lack of sleep i've developed this really annoying eyelid twitch. ack. stimulating the creativity helps, though, with the movies and books and such. helps the mood, not the twitch. don't laugh, but i've also been doing a free-hand cross-stitch while watching the movies. i sound like a grandma. it's a cool design, though, the mu logo of the big "M" with a tiger head in the middle, and i've been working on it on and off (mostly off) for the past two years. it's huge for a cross-stitch, 14-inches square, or somewhere in the vicinity of 127,000 stitches. ok, i'll stop talking about my girlie habits. piss. spit. beer. football. that oughta do it.

       i have wrinkles on my fingers.

       watched "reprise" this afternoon after giving plasma. well, sorta giving plasma. the machine malfunctioned during the first cycle and the red blood cell reservoir overfilled (no overflow, thank goodness), so they had to take me off. still got paid the full amount, which was nice, and i got all my rbcs back. anyway: movie. made in norway, about two writer friends and the insanity that often plagues writers. oscar candidate as best foreign film in 2006. i really liked it, but it's one of those that my friends probably wouldn't (really sucks being the only person i know -- in person, at least -- who's anything like me). really made me want to write, though. but i feel like the character in the film who is back from the mental institution and isn't able to write anymore. and i know it's just a movie, but it kinda stung that these guys were twenty-three and getting their first and second novels published. the book i finished this weekend, pillars of the earth (freaking awesome and highly recommended), also has characters that were successful at young ages. i still want to be a writer. i still want to be lots of things. i know i'm nowhere near old yet, but every week that passes spent working at dead end jobs or silently going mad in my room makes it feel less possible. ok, ok, rowling was 32, but it also took her six or seven years to write the first, which means she was close to my age when she started. heh...that's a strange thought. but i definitely have no great ideas in mind.

       damn eye won't stop twitching.

       after midnight now. i should probably try to sleep, but i have a feeling i won't. last few nights i've been sleeping on my futon in my living room. no real reason. i do that sometimes when i'm going crazy, but this is a step up because i usually end up on the floor. it's been kinda nice, though, because i've recently been having these dreams that i was in another life. *sigh* then i wake up. to sleep, perchance to dream... hmm. ok, i'm off, but before i go, apparently david holds the copyright on using lyrics at the ends of posts (i'm still claiming the titles), so i have to attribute the use of the following to him, but the lyrics themselves are, of course, from the rock gods of muse.

"change everything you are and everything you were -- your number has been called. fights and battles have begun, revenge will surely come; your hard times are ahead."